The Hitman Who Hated Me
by Shatterdoll
Summary: AKA The alternative ending you never asked for! Adult!LamboxAdult!Reborn. PURE CRACK. Warning: Violence, rape, crude language, death, OOCness, inside jokes, utter nonsense. Read if you have nothing better to do.


Before you even start reading this I apologize for three things:

1. This is the fake 'alternative ending' to a RebornxLambo doujinshi called The Hitman Who Loved Me that can be found on Youtube. If you send me a little message I could give you the link. (It is R18) As a warning you can still read this but if you haven't seen that doujinshi you won't really know what exactly it's an alternative to or understand the events that led up to this moment.

2. This is pretty much one big inside joke so there are things you just won't understand. The joke behind the sprinkles will be explained in the AN at the end. Still, sorry it'll be kind of over your head, I'm posting for the friend who came up with this with me.

3. This is just bad, ridiculous nonsense. So if you don't mind killing some time go on ahead. Don't expect a masterpiece by any means. Or even something that makes sense. Haha

Disclaimer: I do not own Hitman Reborn!, its characters, The Hitman Who Loved Me, Michael Corleone, or rainbow sprinkles.

* * *

Lambo glares at the fresh corpse on his carpet, then at Reborn. "Bitch, I expect you to clean my rug! First you don't buy me dinner, now you leave a body on my rug? I don't think so!"

Reborn smirks. "Lambo, you can't-"

Lambo smacks him across the face with the gun, sending him to the floor like a brick. He kicks the shit out of Reborn. "I won't say it again! I'm mad with power and you will do my bidding!"

Reborn wipes his lip and glares at Lambo. "Fine," he hisses. "What should I do with him?"

Lambo points the gun at his head. "Eat him for all I care, just get that shit off my nice Italian carpet! This is worse than the time Colonnello got red wine all over it."

Reborn picks up the dead body and stumbles to his feet. Lambo shakes his head. "Poor bastard, the last thing he saw in this world was a man fucking another man. How pathetic can you get? Hey watch it, don't make more stains then necessary bastard!"

After much threatening and verbal abuse Reborn disposes of the body and the two find themselves back where they started. "I expect you to lick the blood out of that carpet! Get going we don't have all night!"

Reborn glares up at him and finally stands up. "Look, I'm sick of this little game. If you're going to do it, then do it already. Shoot me. Just try to imagine a world without me and shoot me."

Lambo stares at him and Reborn smirks. He knew it. That pathetic crybaby Lambo couldn't shoot him. Now he intended to make him pay for that abuse. After tonight that stupid cow wouldn't be able to walk for a week.

Suddenly there's a loud bang that reverberates through the room. Reborn looks down with disbelief as his shirt rapidly becomes red with blood. He puts a hand to his stomach and falls to the ground. "You... you shot me."

Lambo cocks his gun. "Of course I did. I'm a hitman. You thought I wouldn't shoot you, asshole? Think again. But I made sure to shoot you in the stomach so it would be a slow, painful death. And that's not all. I'm going to rape you. That's right, you're going to die being raped. I expect you to die painfully and in humiliation Reborn."

Lambo kicks him hard in the side so that he turns onto his stomach. He rips down his pants which were already loose from their earlier encounter, then forces his legs apart and starts to thrust into him savagely. He grabs his hair, yanking it back hard. A new kind of blood is spilled to join the other stains, rolling down Reborn's thigh.

Reborn is too shocked to comprehend what was happening to him. _He_ was getting raped? By Lambo? There was no way, it was impossible.... 'My....my hitman pride! It's ruined!'

"You want to know? You want to know why Reborn? It started that very first night... That night I first followed you. Ever since that night I've been allowing this to happen to me plotting my revenge. I knew I had to stop you in the most soul crushing way I could. And why? Probably not why you'd think!"

Lambo is starting to sound out of breath and his speech pattern is hard to follow, punctured by grunts and gasps for breath. "It's not because you raped me. That has nothing to do with it."

He slams Reborn's head hard against the floor even as he continues to push into him, raping him for all he's worth. He savors the fact that he's the first one to dominate Reborn like this. Blood has started to really seep into the carpet which irritates him a bit. And this had all started because he didn't want to clean up a mess.

He can feel Reborn weakening beneath him, grunting and growling low in his throat like a wild animal that can't strike but that is insanely mad. It wouldn't be long now till he bled out. Reborn starts to sink to the floor, rapidly dying. Still moving against Reborn, Lambo pulls his hair back once more and whispers one last thing into Reborn's ear. The last thing Reborn hears before the blood loss finally takes him away from the agony. His body that the stupid cow of all people was currently ravaging with violent abandon.

"The reason? I've got one word for you Reborn: Sprinkles."

A jolt of—what, irony?—shoots through Reborn before he takes one final, shuddering breath. 'Oh god damnit! I should have just gotten the fucking rainbow sprinkles! Bleh.'

Lambo continues with the body until he has come, experiencing the most intense orgasm of his life. Once he finishes he rolls off of it and shoots it one last time just for the hell of it. "That's right bitch, you can just call me Michael Corleone."

He considers the bloody body slumped upon his floor. He is slick with blood as well as sweat and lust and semen. Lambo was in serious need of a shower. Even though he knows the stains would be a bitch to deal with in a morning he decides to leave them for now. He stares at Reborn's corpse and decides that tomorrow he would go buy rainbow sprinkles. And just maybe Colonnello would like some too... He grins, liking this new side of himself very much.

~.

From the shadows Xanxus and Squalo watch these events take place with a mixture of fascination and horror. They had simply intended to take down Reborn, hoping the two-bit hitman following him would at least distract him long enough to give them an opening. Instead events had taken a very, very unexpected turn and neither quite knew how to react.

Xanxus finally speaks. "See, at least I've never shot you then raped you to death. Though it does bring to mind some ideas..."

Squalo looks at him in horror. "Vooooiiiii!"

End

* * *

**AN**: I am so sorry you read that -laughs- Okay so the sprinkles: My friend did a photoshop edit of a couple of the pages, making the dialogue suggest that Reborn lured Lambo into rapesville with the offer of cupcakes with sprinkles ('Those are a rare delicacy in Italy!') Turns out the sprinkles were a lie... ('As if I could afford sprinkles') It was really hilarious but obviously you've never seen those pages so... haha That's the joke.


End file.
